Posts Tagged ‘Whitney Port’

Kelly Cutrone: Best Power Bitch Boss Eva!

September 2, 2008

Dear Kelly Cutrone, Will you hire me? Will you pluck me out of obscurity and teach me how to be a “Power Bitch” and also find me a male model Columbia-educated boyfriend? I have no life whatsoever and can work all day, every day. Thanks! xx

On last night’s episode of The Hills, Whitney arrived in New York City and quickly became immersed in shirtless male models. Like a border collie herding sheep, Kelly Cutrone expertly isolated one fine-looking specimen, ordering the lad to appear at “8:45 sharp” for drinks at the SoHo Grand. “This is multi-tasking in the Power Bitch world,” Kelly explained to a flustered Whitney. Then Kelly didn’t show up so that Whitney would be left alone with the guy—What a boss!

The rest of the show sucked. LC and the She-Pratt had a rousing debate about hamsters v. guinea pigs and Doug got dumped. To add insult to injury, LC called him “Dougie” as she awkwardly delivered the news that he was “way too nice” for her. Yeesh.

Oh and another thing: If you’re a glutton for punishment (like me), tune in Sunday at 7:30 p.m. for a new episode of The Hills. This one looks promising: Brody gets arrested—hopefully by the fashion police for sporting the ugly camo T-shirt he wore last night.

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The Hills: “It’s Like Trying To Tell Iran and Israel To Get Along…”

August 25, 2008

Actually, it’s like watching paint dry. The Hills was a big snooze tonight. My mom summed it up in this way: “Everyone went to a birthday party and left as soon as Spencer came. I don’t blame them–I can’t stand him!” (more…)

Everyone Falls (Well, I Do. A Lot.)

August 18, 2008

 

Was anyone else totally caught up in the endless Hills reruns/”Most Memorable Moments” special this weekend? I was completely immersed and got excited for the new season in the process.

Here’s one of my stand-out moments from The Hills: Poor Whitney’s fall on Good Morning America at the end of Season 2. On a show where the characters tool around in BMWs, wear fantasy clothes, and are impossibly pretty (well, most of them), Whitney’s spill was one of the few relatable moments for me.

I fall. All the time, actually. I slip off curbs. I end up sprawled on the sidewalk after stepping into a hole. I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs in the library (all alone, mercifully) and down the subway steps at rush hour, with my purse’s contents spilling everywhere and a bunch of strangers rushing to my aid.

I fall so much that just seeing stairs causes me anxiety. I hold on to the hand railing if I can and I move to the side when someone in a hurry is breathing down my neck. But sometimes there is no railing. Sometimes there is sand, as there was at the beach-themed restaurant where I had dinner last week. This place had pounds of sand all over the floor (clever!) and, on the way out, I slipped down the stairs. I went down hard and scraped my elbow. The jerky guy I was with, rather than seeing if I was okay, laughed at me.

I wish I could have recovered as gracefully as Whitney, but I just got up and limped away, pissed off, red-faced, and bleeding from the elbow. Oh well.

The Hills: Our Recurring Nightmare?

August 1, 2008

On August 18, Season 4 of The Hills starts on MTV. That is, if you can make it through whatever lame, two-hour-long “world premiere” that MTV has likely dreamed up to torture us: Red carpet arrivals, some pointless musical guest, and “exclusive” interviews with people like Brent Bolthouse, followed by 15 minutes of the actual show.

As you can tell, I have mixed feelings about the return of The Hills. Let’s face it: That last “bonus season” sucked. I have my doubts that the show can regain the magic of Season 2. (more…)

The Hills: Summer Fun Edition!

June 18, 2008

Why, hello there! So The Hills is on hiatus, but the drama is not. Here’s a quick round-up of the latest news:

  • The New York Observer has a fantastic profile of awesome-yet-fearsome “power bitch” Kelly Cutrone, Whitney’s boss at People’s Revolution. Says Kelly of her initial meeting with a teary Lauren in Season 1: “She was slow.” [Note to Kelly: Love that couch!]
  • Speaking of Whitney, she will reportedly star in a new Hills spin-off. (Sorry, Speidi!) The show will depict Ms. Port’s new bi-coastal lifestyle and have her palling around with various NYC wanna-be “socialites.” Poor Whitney.
  • Brody is getting his own show, too. (Sorry, Speidi!) The unfortunately-named Bromance will follow Brody as he seeks a new bestie to take Spencer’s place, and will feature hot tub elimination ceremonies. Ryan Seacrest is producing. “I can speak from experience — girls can come and go, but a ‘bromance’ can last forever,” Seacrest told Variety. Good god.
  • Have Lauren and Audrina mended their fences? Possibly.
  • Best for last: David Letterman totally eviscerated Spencer on his show last week. When Spencer says he doesn’t go to a club for less than $100,000, Dave cracks up and offers his best guess of Spencer’s actual fee: two beers. Ha! Meanwhile, creepy Fembot Heidi tries ineffectively to register sincerity on her frozen face and insists Spencer actually “lowballed” their fee. Right. Video here.

The She-Pratt: Who Is She And What Is She After?

April 1, 2008

spencer_sister.jpg

Wow. Stephanie Pratt was everywhere last night. (Is she the greatest Underminer of all time or what?) She continued her verbal assault on big bro Spencer, telling him, “You’re so homeless and so lame.” (To which he can now respond, “Oh really? Then why do the readers of Radar magazine seek my wisdom each month?”) It seems like the She-Pratt has the Jen Bunney technique of playing all sides down cold. While brunching with Heidi, Stephanie hints that Spencer might start dating other girls. She also manages to befriend Heidi’s ex BFF Lauren. (To which I say: WTF Lauren? Okay, make peace with the girl for the sake of making it less uncomfortable in class but no need to dine with her! No need to invite her to your birthday party! I think either: 1. MTV is paying Lauren good money for this storyline or 2. This is a subconscious effort by Lauren to resolve things with Speidi.) As for what the She-Pratt gets out of this, I suppose it’s obvious: a bigger part on the show.

So we briefly saw Audrina last night (digging the new darker hair color) and wise old Lo. And Whitney! Whitney is all growns-up! I don’t really understand her new job but she apparently did something smart with shiny pants and her new boss says she has “a voice!” I have to say, I was totally impressed with the way Whitney won over the fearsome Kelly Cutrone—-much better than how Lauren handled Kelly in Season 1!

Stay tuned for serious psychoanalysis of Lauren & Brody, Heidi’s choice of paint color, and more. In the meantime, what did you think of last night’s episode?

Oh and another thing: I totally call bullshit on Stephanie getting a B on that computer quiz! Her mouth said B but her face said C- all the way.