Posts Tagged ‘Shayne Lamas’

More Monkey Business with Matt and Shayne

July 30, 2008

So, about that ring. The $65,000 2.85-carat Tacori platinum-and-diamond eternity ring that Matt “If I’m being honest” Grant presented Shayne “Monkey” Lamas on The Bachelor finale (When was that? Feels like it happened in 2002, but I think it was like…May.) Anyway, Shayne totally told that she was keeping the ring. And not just keeping it—–preserving it like an artifact, a la Miss Havisham. (There really should be a Bachelor-couplings-gone-wrong exhibit at the Smithsonian. It could also include: Jenn Schefft’s Better Single Than Sorry book, Bob Guiney’s “promise ring,” Mary Delgado’s mug shot, and a whole bunch of Us Weekly “SPLIT!” covers.) (more…)


“This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven…”

July 24, 2008

Well, that was quick! Just weeks after appearing on The Bachelorette: After The Final Rose to assure the world that they were happy, in love, and engaged, “English gentleman” Matt Grant and his “monkey” Shayne Lamas are dunzo. The official line? “Heading in different directions.” But the NY Post’s Page Six reported on July 16 that Shayne was hooking up with “Las Vegas media magnate Justin Weneger.” 

Sheesh, kids. I don’t know what to say at this point. I’m even finding it hard to feel surprised or outraged. The post-finale break-up has become just another tired Bachelor ritual, like the hometown dates and the roses. And it’s hard to believe Matt and Monkey actually “tried hard to make it work.” They haven’t been together long enough to really try hard, don’t you think?

I really, really hope DeAnna and Jesse fare better.  Am I a fool to believe? Most likely.

PS: I told you I would use that headline! Pixies, anyone?

The Bachelor: Chelsea Didn’t See This Coming

May 16, 2008

Chelsea has spoken! And she’s doing just fine, folks, so don’t worry! She revealed all to (Who needs After the Final Rose? Not us!) Here’s some highlights from Chelsea’s interview: (more…)

Decision ’08: The World Reacts

May 14, 2008

So it’s the day after the day after The Bachelor chose his mate and you’re not sure how to feel (especially after the future bride of an English gentleman stripped down for sleazy Girls Gone Wild). Let’s take a deep breath and try to make sense of it all as we peruse the news coverage:

  • From The Daily News: Shayne: “We’re not rushing into marriage right away, but we’re engaged, 100%. There’s a ring on my finger, baby. I am taken. As far as the wedding, we’ll make those plans when we’re ready.” Matt on future Daddy-In-Law Lorenzo Lamas: “I spoke to Lorenzo recently and we’re looking forward to doing ‘Renegade 2,’ father and son-in-law … A 6-foot-5, 240-pound Brit on the back of his Harley.”
  • From In the future, when Matt and Shayne let their grandchildren watch the run-up to their engagement, they will “TiVo through the other girls,” says Shayne. Makes sense. Also: Matt’s mum calls Shayne “monkey!” Aww.
  • From Matt and Shayne have invented an alter ego for Matt named “Bob,” whom they blame for the things Matt did on the show that Shayne does not like. (As in, “I wish Bob hadn’t made out with Chelsea quite so much.”) Also: Matt does not rule out trying his hand at acting. Good god.
  • From Entertainment Weekly: “In the end, it came down to Chelsea’s energy versus Shayne’s warmth and total devotion to Matt (which he preferred to describe as ‘not having a selfish bone in her body.’)”
  • From The Mirror (London): Matt’s parents “cannot wait for the wedding.” Apparently, no one told them about the whole “not rushing” thing. Whoops.
  • From me: If these two ever split, the perfect headline would be: “This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven.” (Pixies fans? Anyone?)

The Bachelor: Monkey Gone Wild

May 13, 2008

Oh my. Shayne has posed in her skivvies for Girls Gone Wild magazine. (There’s a Girls Gone Wild magazine? Who knew?) The six-page pictorial apparently features no nudity, but, er, probably lots of shots like the one above. More details—and an unfortunate wedding veil photo—over at

The Morning After: Shayne Sucks at Trivial Pursuit, Not Rushing to Get Hitched

May 13, 2008 has an update on our new Bachelor couple Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas. In grand Bachelor tradition, the happy-for-now couple isn’t rushing to the altar. “There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship,” Shayne said. “We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.” [“Physically prepared?” What does that entail? A strict spray tanning regimen? ha.] Matt confesses that, in the months since the finale was filmed, he has learned an important truth about his lady love: She sucks at Trivial Pursuit. “Shayne is absolutely terrible at Trivial Pursuit,” Matt told People. “I love her very much. I would die for this woman but she cannot play!” Funny, I didn’t think her board game skills were what attracted him!

The Bachelor: Matt Gets His Monkey

May 12, 2008

It’s Shayne! Last night on The Bachelor, Matt Grant popped the question to his “monkey,” 22-year-old actress Shayne Lamas. (Pet names are cute and all, but I dunno whether I want anyone calling me “monkey” during a marriage proposal.) Shayne, in a canary yellow dress, happily accepted the whomping huge diamond Matt presented her. But before that, Matt had to ditch Chelsea, a moment made more unpleasant when Chelsea lost her cool and trashed Shayne. “To me, she was the falsest person here,” Chelsea declared. (Bitter much?) Chelsea, who looked ready for the altar (or the prom) in a white gown and severe updo, later summed up her feelings about Matt’s decision in this way: “He’s a fool. He is a fool.” But when it comes to love—and reality television—-aren’t we all?

Oh and another thing: No “After the Final Rose,” I guess? There was no mention of it. Hm.

Tell me: Do you think Matt made the right choice? Were you surprised?

The Bachelor: Decision ’08

May 12, 2008

Tonight’s the night! Finally, we’ll find out who will be our Mrs. Grant-in-waiting and whose dreams of marrying an English gentleman will end tonight. I actually like both Shayne and Chelsea so I guess I won’t be horribly disappointed UNLESS Matt pulls the old “I choose me” which has become a sad possibility ever since Jen Schefft and Brad Womack ruined everything for everyone. But I don’t think Matt would do that to us. He’s British. He has manners.

It’s no secret that my heart belongs to Shayne. Oh sure, she’s too young and ditzy and high-maintenance, and the Matt-Shayne union would probably be destined for the typical Bachelor split in about six months, but I can’t help it: I like the girl (plus, I don’t have to marry her). Chelsea is lovely and (somewhat) more mature than Shayne. She’s certainly a better arm-wrestler and probably a better life partner for Matt but she lost me somewhere between her hand-holding phobia and her “night dress.”

Meet you back here tomorrow to discuss it all! Happy viewing!

The Bachelor Enjoys Toying With Us

May 2, 2008

So buried in the back of Us Weekly (don’t they recognize really important news? ha) is a charticle comparing Chelsea and Shayne, with some comments from Matt on both ladies. Here’s Matt on Chelsea: “She’s very vibrant and outgoing. I love that.” And on Shayne: “Our relationship was comfortable. We had easy conversation.” Hm. Well, I was all set to read into his use of present tense to describe Chelsea and past tense to describe Shayne BUT he does the same thing in reverse a little further down in the piece. Damn you, you cagey Brit. Over at the Entertainment Weekly blog, they seem to think Chelsea has this thang wrapped up. I thought Shayne had the advantage, but now I think I may be a victim of clever editing again.

I’ll see you back here next week when we parse “The Women Tell All.” Will Amanda be made to answer for her d-bag comment and forced to awkwardly confront Matt yet again, as Chris Harrison prods from her what little dignity she has left? (Uh, probably.) Will Pinchy Face Robin make her pinchy face? (Clearly.) Will Ashlee break into song? (She’d better not.) Will Carri tear apart a beer can with her teeth? (Here’s hoping!)

Amanda is (Meep!) Not So Quiet, After All

April 29, 2008

The Bachelor Episode 7 Recap: Well! Do you think the term “douchebag” translates across cultures? Heh. Either way, I’m sure Matt got Amanda’s point last night. Though we all knew Amanda was next in line to go, she, apparently, did not realize this. And boy, was she mad!

Before we get to the ugly (yet hilarious) denouement, though, let’s remember the happy times. So! Three lucky ladies headed to Barbados this week. Shayne, in her delightful floppy hat, continued to charm Matt, who has referred to her in the last few episodes as his “little monkey.” Aww! But Matt has some concerns: Is Shayne’s ditziness a put-on or, er, is that really the way she is? Can she indulge his deep yearning to discuss the ins and outs of our upcoming presidential election? (Note to Matt: If political discussions are really what do it for you, maybe you should have kept that Karl Rove aide you eliminated in Week 1. Just sayin’!) I’m not sure how I would respond if someone was basically questioning whether I’m smart enough to make a good partner, but Shayne remained cheerfully confident and insisted she had nothing to prove.

On to Chelsea, who fared less well. Much less well. She continued to enforce her No-Romance rule and, well, Matt said it best himself after his encounter with a sympathetic sea turtle: “The turtle was closer to me physically than Chelsea. I had better eye contact with the turtle.” An aside: It was kind of a nice change to see this truly awkward date. I mean, the date seemed hellish and that was real. The Bachelor tends to gloss over moments like that with champagne and rose petals. Anyway, as she did a few episodes ago (when she wrote her own fantasy suite card), Chelsea got nervous and totally overcompensated for her earlier lack of affection. This time, she donned a slinky “night dress” as Matt called it (and WTF was up with those slo-mo-ish shots of her getting changed? Seriously?) The thing is, though, how does that help, really? It momentarily makes things better, but it seems like Chelsea has a problem and I don’t think it has all that much to do with the other women. (Remember her hand-holding phobia? And even when she supposedly poured out her heart at dinner, she still wasn’t looking Matt in the eye.) Anyway, I’m no shrink (ha!) but I think her issues run deeper than she’s letting on and the “night dress,” like her earlier fantasy suite trick, is just a band-aid.

So Amanda, who had tried to express herself on her date, was genuinely shocked at her elimination. And I was shocked at how she handled it—didn’t expect that from a gal from Niceville, Fla. (I have to say, I laughed out loud when she let loose with the D-word.) So, was her earlier meekness an act? Or does that kind of outrage just naturally emerge when we’re scorned? Also—did she always use “like” so much between like every like other like word like? But the painful encounter between her and Matt just illustrated that you can’t argue your way out of dumped. And if you push enough, you’ll just hear the horrible truth, which no one really wants to hear. In this case, Matt finally said: “I feel for you. I just don’t feel for you enough.” Ouch.

So in two weeks, London actually does call! Finally! The ladies are off to meet Matt’s family in the U.K. and then someone is getting a ring. So, who will it be: Shayne or Chelsea? And, who should it be?

Oh and another thing: For the past few weeks, the photos section of the ABC Web site has been worthless, so the boring headshot will have to suffice.