Posts Tagged ‘Matt Grant’

More Monkey Business with Matt and Shayne

July 30, 2008

So, about that ring. The $65,000 2.85-carat Tacori platinum-and-diamond eternity ring that Matt “If I’m being honest” Grant presented Shayne “Monkey” Lamas on The Bachelor finale (When was that? Feels like it happened in 2002, but I think it was like…May.) Anyway, Shayne totally told that she was keeping the ring. And not just keeping it—–preserving it like an artifact, a la Miss Havisham. (There really should be a Bachelor-couplings-gone-wrong exhibit at the Smithsonian. It could also include: Jenn Schefft’s Better Single Than Sorry book, Bob Guiney’s “promise ring,” Mary Delgado’s mug shot, and a whole bunch of Us Weekly “SPLIT!” covers.) (more…)


“This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven…”

July 24, 2008

Well, that was quick! Just weeks after appearing on The Bachelorette: After The Final Rose to assure the world that they were happy, in love, and engaged, “English gentleman” Matt Grant and his “monkey” Shayne Lamas are dunzo. The official line? “Heading in different directions.” But the NY Post’s Page Six reported on July 16 that Shayne was hooking up with “Las Vegas media magnate Justin Weneger.” 

Sheesh, kids. I don’t know what to say at this point. I’m even finding it hard to feel surprised or outraged. The post-finale break-up has become just another tired Bachelor ritual, like the hometown dates and the roses. And it’s hard to believe Matt and Monkey actually “tried hard to make it work.” They haven’t been together long enough to really try hard, don’t you think?

I really, really hope DeAnna and Jesse fare better.  Am I a fool to believe? Most likely.

PS: I told you I would use that headline! Pixies, anyone?

The Bachelorette: Rad! It’s Jesse!

July 7, 2008

On last night’s three-hour (Lord!) wrap-up of The Bachelorette, DeAnna chose pro snowboarder Jesse Csincsak of Colorado (he of the pink shoelaces) to be her future husband and the father of her impending brood. I’m happy. (Sorry, that’s the best I can come up with at 2 a.m. after three hours of Chris Harrison’s yapping.) But Jeremy came back! Then, later, Jason came back! And “happy Bachelor couple” Matt Grant and Monkey! In the meantime, former Bachelor Andrew Firestone got married last weekend. Woah, we have a lot to discuss. The good news is that I’m unemployed so I can talk about this stuff all day, yo. In the meantime: What did you think of DeAnna’s decision?

The Bachelor: Chelsea Didn’t See This Coming

May 16, 2008

Chelsea has spoken! And she’s doing just fine, folks, so don’t worry! She revealed all to (Who needs After the Final Rose? Not us!) Here’s some highlights from Chelsea’s interview: (more…)

Decision ’08: The World Reacts

May 14, 2008

So it’s the day after the day after The Bachelor chose his mate and you’re not sure how to feel (especially after the future bride of an English gentleman stripped down for sleazy Girls Gone Wild). Let’s take a deep breath and try to make sense of it all as we peruse the news coverage:

  • From The Daily News: Shayne: “We’re not rushing into marriage right away, but we’re engaged, 100%. There’s a ring on my finger, baby. I am taken. As far as the wedding, we’ll make those plans when we’re ready.” Matt on future Daddy-In-Law Lorenzo Lamas: “I spoke to Lorenzo recently and we’re looking forward to doing ‘Renegade 2,’ father and son-in-law … A 6-foot-5, 240-pound Brit on the back of his Harley.”
  • From In the future, when Matt and Shayne let their grandchildren watch the run-up to their engagement, they will “TiVo through the other girls,” says Shayne. Makes sense. Also: Matt’s mum calls Shayne “monkey!” Aww.
  • From Matt and Shayne have invented an alter ego for Matt named “Bob,” whom they blame for the things Matt did on the show that Shayne does not like. (As in, “I wish Bob hadn’t made out with Chelsea quite so much.”) Also: Matt does not rule out trying his hand at acting. Good god.
  • From Entertainment Weekly: “In the end, it came down to Chelsea’s energy versus Shayne’s warmth and total devotion to Matt (which he preferred to describe as ‘not having a selfish bone in her body.’)”
  • From The Mirror (London): Matt’s parents “cannot wait for the wedding.” Apparently, no one told them about the whole “not rushing” thing. Whoops.
  • From me: If these two ever split, the perfect headline would be: “This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven.” (Pixies fans? Anyone?)

The Bachelor: Monkey Gone Wild

May 13, 2008

Oh my. Shayne has posed in her skivvies for Girls Gone Wild magazine. (There’s a Girls Gone Wild magazine? Who knew?) The six-page pictorial apparently features no nudity, but, er, probably lots of shots like the one above. More details—and an unfortunate wedding veil photo—over at

The Morning After: Shayne Sucks at Trivial Pursuit, Not Rushing to Get Hitched

May 13, 2008 has an update on our new Bachelor couple Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas. In grand Bachelor tradition, the happy-for-now couple isn’t rushing to the altar. “There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship,” Shayne said. “We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.” [“Physically prepared?” What does that entail? A strict spray tanning regimen? ha.] Matt confesses that, in the months since the finale was filmed, he has learned an important truth about his lady love: She sucks at Trivial Pursuit. “Shayne is absolutely terrible at Trivial Pursuit,” Matt told People. “I love her very much. I would die for this woman but she cannot play!” Funny, I didn’t think her board game skills were what attracted him!

The Bachelor: Matt Gets His Monkey

May 12, 2008

It’s Shayne! Last night on The Bachelor, Matt Grant popped the question to his “monkey,” 22-year-old actress Shayne Lamas. (Pet names are cute and all, but I dunno whether I want anyone calling me “monkey” during a marriage proposal.) Shayne, in a canary yellow dress, happily accepted the whomping huge diamond Matt presented her. But before that, Matt had to ditch Chelsea, a moment made more unpleasant when Chelsea lost her cool and trashed Shayne. “To me, she was the falsest person here,” Chelsea declared. (Bitter much?) Chelsea, who looked ready for the altar (or the prom) in a white gown and severe updo, later summed up her feelings about Matt’s decision in this way: “He’s a fool. He is a fool.” But when it comes to love—and reality television—-aren’t we all?

Oh and another thing: No “After the Final Rose,” I guess? There was no mention of it. Hm.

Tell me: Do you think Matt made the right choice? Were you surprised?

The Bachelor: Decision ’08

May 12, 2008

Tonight’s the night! Finally, we’ll find out who will be our Mrs. Grant-in-waiting and whose dreams of marrying an English gentleman will end tonight. I actually like both Shayne and Chelsea so I guess I won’t be horribly disappointed UNLESS Matt pulls the old “I choose me” which has become a sad possibility ever since Jen Schefft and Brad Womack ruined everything for everyone. But I don’t think Matt would do that to us. He’s British. He has manners.

It’s no secret that my heart belongs to Shayne. Oh sure, she’s too young and ditzy and high-maintenance, and the Matt-Shayne union would probably be destined for the typical Bachelor split in about six months, but I can’t help it: I like the girl (plus, I don’t have to marry her). Chelsea is lovely and (somewhat) more mature than Shayne. She’s certainly a better arm-wrestler and probably a better life partner for Matt but she lost me somewhere between her hand-holding phobia and her “night dress.”

Meet you back here tomorrow to discuss it all! Happy viewing!

Hello Again! Remember That Time I Dumped You?

May 6, 2008

The Bachelor: The Women Tell All: These “women tell all” episodes have always struck me as sadistic exercises. Everyone has to come back and grin through clenched teeth while smarmy Chris Harrison relentlessly probes their heartache and tries to extract tears (ratings). Then the poor Bachelor emerges and all the women pounce and he has to re-explain why he dumped them. An uncomfortable time had by all! (more…)