Last night on The Hills, I learned about an exciting new concept: the relationship vacation! I’d heard of “taking a break” or “time apart,” but never of having an actual vacation from your significant other. I have some questions: Is there a limit to how many of these vacations one can take in a calendar year? Where does one go on a relationship vacation? In my imagination, this wondrous event takes place at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean, sort of like the anithesis of Sandals, that place that caters to (lame) couples. There are signs posted to remind you that you’re temporarily free of the dreary land of compromise and communication. The signs say, “Take Care of You!” and “No Partnership Allowed!” Attractive men bring you drinks all day. The drinks are laced with a special ingredient that wipes your beloved from your mind. You don’t ever call or send postcards. For fun, you waterski like The Go-Go’s.
It’s good to decide your location beforehand, so you don’t have a situation like Speidi did last night—they both picked the exact same place to get away from each other! (Well, Heidi picked. Spencer stalked.) And that place, naturally, was S Bar. (Everything happens there lately, doesn’t it? It’s the new Les Deux!) Heidi, who had somehow convinced Audrina to join her in a night out, was shocked (shocked!) to see Spencer at the bar with his brutally hot new friend Kevin (Um, Kevin? Call me!) talking to girls. (Apparently, those on relationship vacation are prohibited from interacting with the locals.) A wild-eyed Heidi seemed especially distraught about Spencer taking shots (also apparently prohibited). She screeched, “Someone’s about to go down!” For once, Spencer actually seemed like the rational party, pointing out that the relationship vacation idea was pretty, uh, stupid. “You call it relationship vacation. Anyone else on planet Earth calls that breaking up,” he said wisely.
In other news, Lauren went from “slo-mo to fashion glow” in the eyes of Kelly Cutrone and was offered a job at People’s Revolution. Will she take it? Will Audrina end up homeless when LC and Lo move in together? (Answer, courtesy Us Weekly: No, she’s going to live in their guest house.) Will Heidi take a cue from The Go-Go’s and realize that, though the relationship vacation is all she ever wanted, she was wrong—and she’s not so strong? And that she should’ve known all along that (truth and) time would tell?
Oh and another thing: Next week looks insane! Did I see Lauren actually sitting at the same table as Justin Bobby and Heidi? Whoa.