Archive for the ‘The Bachelor’ Category

The Bachelor: It’s Really, Really Real Now

January 27, 2009


The Bachelor, Week Four: In every Bachelor season (god knows I’ve seen a few), there comes a week when it occurs to the participants that oh, gosh, this is really real.  They never expected to feel this way so fast, you see. It’s just really real now.

Well, this week was the really real week for the ladies of our latest installment. Cue sighing and crying and soul searching. But before that, get to the set of General Hospital stat! Really, ABC, you stoop so low sometimes. Last year, Matt and Shayne had to do time at a screening of Made of Honor, for God’s sake (an ABC/Disney movie starring ABC star Patrick Dempsey. This, my friends, is synergy). (more…)


The Bachelor: Everybody Under the Bus(t)

January 20, 2009


The Bachelor, Week Three: So I’m watching The Bachelor again. It’s like the bad boyfriend I keep taking back, even though I know only suffering awaits. Ah well. If I have to watch it (and I do, I do), I might as well write about it. Also, it’s too early to go to bed. So! The drama this week made my head spin. I was thinking: Jason is probably one of the most normal-seeming, mature Bachelors in the history of this show…so why is this season so darned nutty? (more…)

The Bachelor Alums: Engaged, Preggers, and “Scaling Down”

September 24, 2008

Time for a mini Bachelor update! Remember when Jen Schefft was Better Single Than Sorry? Welp, now she’s Better Engaged Than Sorry (or something).  And she just met the guy in February! On a blind date, no less! “I guess it’s true things move fast when you meet the right person,” Jen tells People.

It’s no wonder she ran to People with her news, rather than Us Weekly. After all, Us gave her ex Andrew Firestone a cover story a few months ago wherein he yammered on about his “second chance at love” and how annoying it is when Jen texts him, etc. No surprise, then, that Us gets Andrew’s big news: He and his new wife Ivana are expecting a lil’ Bachelor (or Bachelorette).

And now to DeAnna and Jesse. I’m a little worried. They just announced to People that they’re scaling down their wedding. There’s certainly nothing wrong with a small wedding, but it seems the demise of Bachelor couples always begins with something like “scaling down.” Then it’s “We’re both so busy!” and then it’s “The wedding is postponed, but we’re still in love!” and then, before you know it, the ring is on eBay.

DeAnna told People: “We’re both so busy all the time. We don’t have time right now to plan a wedding, and we’re planning a wedding, which is crazy.” Gulp.

Oh and another thing: Why do all those creepy feet on Jen’s book cover have such odd, ugly shoes on? Hm.

Jason Is The New Bachelor!

August 20, 2008

ABC has announced that our fave single dad, Jason Mesnick, will be the star of the new Bachelor season, airing in January. (C’mon, you didn’t think it would be Graham, did you?) As you will recall, Jason, and his adorable son, Ty, captured everyone’s hearts (except maybe DeAnna’s, though she obviously cared for them both) on the last installment of The Bachelorette.

Think you’re the right woman for Jason? You can apply to be one of the ladies vying for those roses right here.

More Monkey Business with Matt and Shayne

July 30, 2008

So, about that ring. The $65,000 2.85-carat Tacori platinum-and-diamond eternity ring that Matt “If I’m being honest” Grant presented Shayne “Monkey” Lamas on The Bachelor finale (When was that? Feels like it happened in 2002, but I think it was like…May.) Anyway, Shayne totally told that she was keeping the ring. And not just keeping it—–preserving it like an artifact, a la Miss Havisham. (There really should be a Bachelor-couplings-gone-wrong exhibit at the Smithsonian. It could also include: Jenn Schefft’s Better Single Than Sorry book, Bob Guiney’s “promise ring,” Mary Delgado’s mug shot, and a whole bunch of Us Weekly “SPLIT!” covers.) (more…)

“This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven…”

July 24, 2008

Well, that was quick! Just weeks after appearing on The Bachelorette: After The Final Rose to assure the world that they were happy, in love, and engaged, “English gentleman” Matt Grant and his “monkey” Shayne Lamas are dunzo. The official line? “Heading in different directions.” But the NY Post’s Page Six reported on July 16 that Shayne was hooking up with “Las Vegas media magnate Justin Weneger.” 

Sheesh, kids. I don’t know what to say at this point. I’m even finding it hard to feel surprised or outraged. The post-finale break-up has become just another tired Bachelor ritual, like the hometown dates and the roses. And it’s hard to believe Matt and Monkey actually “tried hard to make it work.” They haven’t been together long enough to really try hard, don’t you think?

I really, really hope DeAnna and Jesse fare better.  Am I a fool to believe? Most likely.

PS: I told you I would use that headline! Pixies, anyone?

The Bachelor: Chelsea Didn’t See This Coming

May 16, 2008

Chelsea has spoken! And she’s doing just fine, folks, so don’t worry! She revealed all to (Who needs After the Final Rose? Not us!) Here’s some highlights from Chelsea’s interview: (more…)

Decision ’08: The World Reacts

May 14, 2008

So it’s the day after the day after The Bachelor chose his mate and you’re not sure how to feel (especially after the future bride of an English gentleman stripped down for sleazy Girls Gone Wild). Let’s take a deep breath and try to make sense of it all as we peruse the news coverage:

  • From The Daily News: Shayne: “We’re not rushing into marriage right away, but we’re engaged, 100%. There’s a ring on my finger, baby. I am taken. As far as the wedding, we’ll make those plans when we’re ready.” Matt on future Daddy-In-Law Lorenzo Lamas: “I spoke to Lorenzo recently and we’re looking forward to doing ‘Renegade 2,’ father and son-in-law … A 6-foot-5, 240-pound Brit on the back of his Harley.”
  • From In the future, when Matt and Shayne let their grandchildren watch the run-up to their engagement, they will “TiVo through the other girls,” says Shayne. Makes sense. Also: Matt’s mum calls Shayne “monkey!” Aww.
  • From Matt and Shayne have invented an alter ego for Matt named “Bob,” whom they blame for the things Matt did on the show that Shayne does not like. (As in, “I wish Bob hadn’t made out with Chelsea quite so much.”) Also: Matt does not rule out trying his hand at acting. Good god.
  • From Entertainment Weekly: “In the end, it came down to Chelsea’s energy versus Shayne’s warmth and total devotion to Matt (which he preferred to describe as ‘not having a selfish bone in her body.’)”
  • From The Mirror (London): Matt’s parents “cannot wait for the wedding.” Apparently, no one told them about the whole “not rushing” thing. Whoops.
  • From me: If these two ever split, the perfect headline would be: “This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven.” (Pixies fans? Anyone?)

The Bachelor: Monkey Gone Wild

May 13, 2008

Oh my. Shayne has posed in her skivvies for Girls Gone Wild magazine. (There’s a Girls Gone Wild magazine? Who knew?) The six-page pictorial apparently features no nudity, but, er, probably lots of shots like the one above. More details—and an unfortunate wedding veil photo—over at

The Morning After: Shayne Sucks at Trivial Pursuit, Not Rushing to Get Hitched

May 13, 2008 has an update on our new Bachelor couple Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas. In grand Bachelor tradition, the happy-for-now couple isn’t rushing to the altar. “There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship,” Shayne said. “We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.” [“Physically prepared?” What does that entail? A strict spray tanning regimen? ha.] Matt confesses that, in the months since the finale was filmed, he has learned an important truth about his lady love: She sucks at Trivial Pursuit. “Shayne is absolutely terrible at Trivial Pursuit,” Matt told People. “I love her very much. I would die for this woman but she cannot play!” Funny, I didn’t think her board game skills were what attracted him!