The Hills: The Eyeliner Runneth Over

Okay, first of all: casino jail? So not real jail. They probably have TV in there! Maybe even slot machines!

Like so much in Vegas, the promised jailing of Brody Jenner was revealed as nothing but a Mirage (heh) on last night’s episode of The Hills. As the girls phoned prisons and bail bondsmen (“There’s so many bail bonds,” Stephanie said with a weary air of authority), Brody and Dougie strolled in, looking no worse than usual and laughing about their five hours in casino lockup. Sigh.

Before we get to the real cry-your-eyelashes-off drama, let’s deal with Speidi. There was something wonderfully ridiculous about Spencer chiding Holly for sitting on the couch all day. Pot. Kettle. Black. Much? Also, his explanation to Heidi that her sister hadn’t called her back because “Maybe she was in a tunnel.” Yeah, a tunnel of lies constructed by Spencer! Ha! He’s back in rare evil form. Perhaps his powers returned when he shaved off that unfortunate beard?

Anyway, the whole episode was obviously building to the long-awaited Lauren-Audrina summit. The suspense! Would they ever actually talk or just keep texting about possibly talking? Before we could find out, there was a zipper that needed repairing on Lady Gaga‘s space alien catsuit. (Whitney! What were you thinking? Hope DVF missed this episode!) But as the saga of Lady Gaga (sorry, couldn’t help myself) gave way to a generic acoustic ballad, we knew the moment of reckoning was upon us.

When the girls finally sat down, Lauren went on the offensive right away, pointing out all the many ways she had tried to connect with Audrina. She called! She texted! She even went to concerts! And why? She did it all for friendship! “I’m awkwardly bobbing my head at the weird shows, but it’s just because we’re friends! I do it for you!” Lauren said, in what possibly are the greatest sentences she’s ever uttered.

LC was a total pro (hey, she’s been having these “I feel like I’ve lost my best friend” talks for years now) and Audrina was clearly outmatched. She had no choice but to manufacture some tears and make a weak plea to forget the past and “move forward.” With that, our girls hugged it out and the eyeliner runneth over. I don’t know about you, but I feel totes cleansed. And I’m ready to keep awkwardly bobbing my head at this weird show.

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3 Responses to “The Hills: The Eyeliner Runneth Over”

  1. Karen Says:

    TOTES!!!! LOLOLOLOLOOLOLOL

  2. Midwest Molly Says:

    Let’s not forget that there is a fourth inhabitant at the Lo, LC, Audrina compound.

    Where in the heck is that little dog we’ve seen once? With Lo in the house, perhaps not enough room for two bee-atches.

  3. theultimatecheese Says:

    Hmm well, Lo did say she was “upstairs playing with the dog” during Audrina’s bday party. But no, we haven’t seen poor Chloe lately. Hopefully she hasn’t gone the way of Bella, Heidi’s wormy dog from the first season.

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