Archive for September, 2008

I’m Taking a Mental Health Week

September 30, 2008

The Hills was actually sort of amusing last night, but I just can’t do it this week. To sum up: Everyone is mad at everyone and crying. Doug jumped in the pool and splashed Whitney and called Lauren his “ex-fling” and decorates his house with drawings and photos of his stupid face. But they’re all filthy rich so who cares? The end.

The “Real” Hills: Audrina Is Sooo Outta There

September 25, 2008

On the reality show The Hills, Audrina and Lauren have just tearily recommitted to togetherness. But in real life, Audrina has moved out of her “chateau.” She tells Maxim the move will ultimately make her friendships stronger (yea, that’s what Spencer told Heidi when she moved out on LC, too), but then she says of Lauren and Lo: “They grew up together and hang out all the time; they’re like the Bobbsey Twins.” Ouch!

Tea Party with Johnny Depp? Yes, Please.

September 25, 2008

Johnny Depp has signed on to play the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland. It’s due out in 2010–so excited! I just hope Johnny doesn’t use the same fake teeth he used as Willy Wonka. Eesh.

Jenny Lewis: “I Should Be Like Corey Haim”

September 25, 2008

I know we usually stick to inane TV around here, but my mind is on good music today (well, most days, really). Though I’m unemployed and penniless, I did manage to find enough change in my sofa to spring for Jenny Lewis’s new record Acid Tongue this week. Jenny is the former child actor (Troop Beverly Hills anyone?), current lead singer of Rilo Kiley, and oft-described “indie-rock heartthrob.”  (more…)

The Bachelor Alums: Engaged, Preggers, and “Scaling Down”

September 24, 2008

Time for a mini Bachelor update! Remember when Jen Schefft was Better Single Than Sorry? Welp, now she’s Better Engaged Than Sorry (or something).  And she just met the guy in February! On a blind date, no less! “I guess it’s true things move fast when you meet the right person,” Jen tells People.

It’s no wonder she ran to People with her news, rather than Us Weekly. After all, Us gave her ex Andrew Firestone a cover story a few months ago wherein he yammered on about his “second chance at love” and how annoying it is when Jen texts him, etc. No surprise, then, that Us gets Andrew’s big news: He and his new wife Ivana are expecting a lil’ Bachelor (or Bachelorette).

And now to DeAnna and Jesse. I’m a little worried. They just announced to People that they’re scaling down their wedding. There’s certainly nothing wrong with a small wedding, but it seems the demise of Bachelor couples always begins with something like “scaling down.” Then it’s “We’re both so busy!” and then it’s “The wedding is postponed, but we’re still in love!” and then, before you know it, the ring is on eBay.

DeAnna told People: “We’re both so busy all the time. We don’t have time right now to plan a wedding, and we’re planning a wedding, which is crazy.” Gulp.

Oh and another thing: Why do all those creepy feet on Jen’s book cover have such odd, ugly shoes on? Hm.

The Hills: The She-Pratt Makes Her Move

September 23, 2008


Last night brought–finally!–the much anticipated, much foreshadowed She-Pratt betrayal: Stephanie and Doug went on a date. They were totally secretive (except that Stephanie had already told Spencer and Audrina, who told Lo and Heidi, and there were, um, cameras there) but then Brody’s nosy mother ruined everything!   (more…)

The Hills: They Read! (And, Apparently, Write!)

September 16, 2008

By now we’ve all heard—if not quite accepted or really comprehended or fully dealt with—the news that Lauren Conrad has signed a three-book deal with HarperCollins. Her YA series, about a girl who moves to L.A. and ends up on a reality show [insert joke here, I am too beaten down to do so] will be called: L.A. Candy. The first book is due out in summer 2009.

Okay, so the title sucks and, as I’ve told several friends, I think they should have rushed the book to print; I predict that no one will care about The Hills by next summer. (Hello, does anyone remember The Truth About Diamonds?) Still, that doesn’t mean myself and other would-be writers didn’t quietly weep and that our souls didn’t die a little as HarperCollins declared that they’d never experienced such buzz around a project.

Anyway, it got me thinking: Do those Hills kids actually read? And if so, what? For the She-Pratt’s recent birthday, LC gifted her the coffee table book The Handbag: An Illustrated History. Then Stephanie gave Spencer The Secret History of the CIA (ha!) by Joseph J. Trento. Heidi, of course, reads the Bible. And way back in Season Two, Lauren read You Didn’t Hear It From Us, a how-to about meeting men written by two bartenders.

That’s all I’ve got. Until L.A. Candy appears, to rot our teeth as well as our hopes and dreams.

The Hills: We’re All Totally Doomed, But Maybe Heidi’s Sister Can “Peace Everything Out”

September 16, 2008

We’re experiencing the worst financial crisis in maybe 100 years, Sarah Palin [and I must quote Ed Koch here] “scares the hell out of me,” and it seems like the world is hurtling towards certain doom. But we still have The Hills, right? And maybe if Lauren and Heidi could just be friends again, the entire universe would magically fall back in line. (more…)

The Hills: The Eyeliner Runneth Over

September 9, 2008

Okay, first of all: casino jail? So not real jail. They probably have TV in there! Maybe even slot machines!

Like so much in Vegas, the promised jailing of Brody Jenner was revealed as nothing but a Mirage (heh) on last night’s episode of The Hills. As the girls phoned prisons and bail bondsmen (“There’s so many bail bonds,” Stephanie said with a weary air of authority), Brody and Dougie strolled in, looking no worse than usual and laughing about their five hours in casino lockup. Sigh. (more…)

The Hills: The Brodster Takes No Prisoners

September 7, 2008

Does Brody Jenner have an evil twin? Tonight on The Hills, we were introduced to an alterna-Brody. This Brody has stubble and wears sunglasses indoors and seems angry all the time and spends the night in jail and—most interestingly—is some sort of truth-telling machine. I kinda like this guy! (more…)