Archive for August, 2008

The Hills: “It’s Like Trying To Tell Iran and Israel To Get Along…”

August 25, 2008

Actually, it’s like watching paint dry. The Hills was a big snooze tonight. My mom summed it up in this way: “Everyone went to a birthday party and left as soon as Spencer came. I don’t blame them–I can’t stand him!” (more…)


Jason Is The New Bachelor!

August 20, 2008

ABC has announced that our fave single dad, Jason Mesnick, will be the star of the new Bachelor season, airing in January. (C’mon, you didn’t think it would be Graham, did you?) As you will recall, Jason, and his adorable son, Ty, captured everyone’s hearts (except maybe DeAnna’s, though she obviously cared for them both) on the last installment of The Bachelorette.

Think you’re the right woman for Jason? You can apply to be one of the ladies vying for those roses right here.

The Hills: Long Haired Freaky People Need Not Apply (To Be Friends With Lo)

August 19, 2008

My favorite scene from last night’s Hills premiere was when the pink mohawked gentleman above was getting thrown into the pool during Audrina’s birthday party as Lo watched from the kitchen with a disgusted look on her face, as though he was going to dirty up the water. (more…)

Tonight: The Hills is Back! (We Hope)

August 18, 2008


 The Hills is technically back tonight at 10 p.m., but we won’t know if it’s really back–as in, actually worth watching again–until after that. My hopes are high. Probably stupidly, unrealistically high. That happens to me from time to time. At the least, though, I think we have new opening credits to anticipate.  Meet you back here tomorrow to discuss!

I Want to Work for Laverne

August 18, 2008

I’ve been watching VH1’s I Want to Work for Diddy and it’s pretty entertaining. I’m sort of over Diddy himself but I’m totally into Laverne, the transgendered dancing queen contestant. And last Thursday she sat next to me on the N train! It was about 1:30 in the afternoon and I was coming from Queens. I think she got on around 59th Street in Manhattan. She was striking, totally decked out in a tight black pencil skirt, sky-high heels, and red lipstick. She had an oriental fan that she was waving around dramatically and her perfume smelled divine. A guy on the train came up to her and said he saw her on the show “with Puff Daddy” (hey, who can possibly keep all his names straight?) and wished her luck. She thanked him, and got off the train with me at 34th Street.

I’m not sure what this sighting means as far as whether Laverne succeeded on the show. Would Diddy’s assistant be on public transportation? I thought all his people rolled in Escalades…

Everyone Falls (Well, I Do. A Lot.)

August 18, 2008


Was anyone else totally caught up in the endless Hills reruns/”Most Memorable Moments” special this weekend? I was completely immersed and got excited for the new season in the process.

Here’s one of my stand-out moments from The Hills: Poor Whitney’s fall on Good Morning America at the end of Season 2. On a show where the characters tool around in BMWs, wear fantasy clothes, and are impossibly pretty (well, most of them), Whitney’s spill was one of the few relatable moments for me.

I fall. All the time, actually. I slip off curbs. I end up sprawled on the sidewalk after stepping into a hole. I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs in the library (all alone, mercifully) and down the subway steps at rush hour, with my purse’s contents spilling everywhere and a bunch of strangers rushing to my aid.

I fall so much that just seeing stairs causes me anxiety. I hold on to the hand railing if I can and I move to the side when someone in a hurry is breathing down my neck. But sometimes there is no railing. Sometimes there is sand, as there was at the beach-themed restaurant where I had dinner last week. This place had pounds of sand all over the floor (clever!) and, on the way out, I slipped down the stairs. I went down hard and scraped my elbow. The jerky guy I was with, rather than seeing if I was okay, laughed at me.

I wish I could have recovered as gracefully as Whitney, but I just got up and limped away, pissed off, red-faced, and bleeding from the elbow. Oh well.

Dear John Mayer: Please Shut Up Now

August 18, 2008

“Whatever happened to class?” my father wondered today. This was after I told him a humiliating story about slipping down the stairs at a restaurant a few nights ago while my date, rather than um … helping me up, laughed at me. More on that in a bit. (more…)

The Hills: Our Recurring Nightmare?

August 1, 2008

On August 18, Season 4 of The Hills starts on MTV. That is, if you can make it through whatever lame, two-hour-long “world premiere” that MTV has likely dreamed up to torture us: Red carpet arrivals, some pointless musical guest, and “exclusive” interviews with people like Brent Bolthouse, followed by 15 minutes of the actual show.

As you can tell, I have mixed feelings about the return of The Hills. Let’s face it: That last “bonus season” sucked. I have my doubts that the show can regain the magic of Season 2. (more…)